Hope?

I was one of those crazy folks that went into DC today for Obama's Inauguration. I did it because I was bored. I did it because I was lonely. I did it because I thought it might inspire me; make me feel better. I waited in lines, sat in crowded trains, walked among many people......all of those people seemed to be experiencing some sort of joy I just couldn't muster up. And really; the sense of joy was eerie. I've never seen people so happy and willing to wait in lines or be in crowded trains. People were nice. It was weird.

Yes, it was incredible. I know. I was there. It didn't really matter what I saw, though. Something felt off to me.

I stopped in Clarendon on my way home to eat at Whole Foods. I called my mom to tell her about what I had seen and she told me that not five minutes before she had been told to pack up her things at work; she had been laid off.

Whatever vicarious joy I had at least tried to experience immediately disappeared and I caught tears rolling down my cheeks. That overwhelming sense of guilt and responsibility that is always within me came into conscious thought once again.

What can I do?

My mom is not ambitious or out-going like I am. She's never really known what she wants other than to make ends meet. She's not a skilled worker; she's always worked in retail settings and stayed clear of the cities. In the past few years, I've suggested she take a college course or two in the evenings to stimulate her mind and hopefully trigger some sort of unknown interests but her response is that she was never good at school and she wouldn't have a clue as to what sort of class to take anyway. Even now I'm at a loss trying to dream up some sort of job for her; in addition to the time of year and the economy being the way it is, she really doesn't know how to do a whole heck of a lot. Her past three jobs have been receiving jobs and before that she worked cashier jobs. She's never gotten paid much and her jobs have always been boring and repetitious. She needs something that will stimulate her mind and excite her......but I'm just not sure what.

I obviously feel guilty about the way I am living right now. I live like a rich person up here in Northern Virginia. That doesn't mean I'm happy but I've got a clean warm house, respectful and polite roommates, enough money to buy good food, and I go to college. I don't work, either; not for money anyway. I've got government money, scholarships, loans, and I recieve support from my grandmother and aunt. My mother never had this opportunity. I was trying to think up a way for me to share it but I don't think there is one.

Again; what can I do?

I'm at a loss.

Obama talks about fixing the economy but that's going to take a while. The people talk about Hope in regards to Obama. The thing is, in order to have Hope you have to also have Faith and Believe. Those are really hard things to have/do right now. I don't have them. I just don't. I honestly can't rely on anyone else to fix things for me because the past shows me it won't happen. Trusting Obama to fix the economy is like sitting by the phone waiting for a Stupid Boy to call. Hope does not make the Boy call. Things will eventually get better but not if you don't pick up the phone and call that Stupid Boy yourself.