Top Ten Meats

1. Fancy Salmon -- It's moist and flaky, probably grilled rather than fried, and the only fancy meat I'd pay good money for at a restaurant.

2. Corned Beef Hash -- It looks like dog food but it's delicious. It's served best in a thin, crispy layer or inside of an omelet with cheddar cheese. Expect heartburn or worse.

3. Thanksgiving Turkey -- I have no idea how to cook one of these but they're good. Best served with mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans. Leave the chunk of fatty meat out of the beans because it makes them taste nasty.

4. Sausage Gravy -- My grandma used to make a killer sausage gravy when I was a kid. It's one of those foods I can't eat without feeling like a fat kid.

5. Cream Chipped Beef -- Sausage gravy's equally delicious cousin. Stouffer's, son.

6. Chicken In a Can -- Open can, drain water into a bowl for your cat, pour chicken into whatever you're making. Works with mac and cheese, rice, soup, whatever. Big Lots has this stuff for like $2 a can. The lazy woman's meat.

7. Meatballs -- Best served on a sub and slathered in red sauce. The messier, the better.

8. Turkey Pepperoni -- Less fat than regular pepperoni, tastes the same. Ideal for sandwiches and, duh, pizza.

9. Chicken-fried Steak - It's obvious that I love me some white sauce, isn't it?

10. Fake Chicken Nuggets -- Not technically a meat. Probably better for you than McDonald's nuggets. Eight is the magic number of fake chicken nuggets to eat in a meal.  

Bonus: Top Four Fast Food Meats
1. the McDonald's McSquare Fish sandwich
2. the Chick-fil-a sandwich with the little pickle on it
3. Arby's thin-sliced roast beef
4. anything dipped in Long John Silver's batter