Too Stressed To Learn

St. Andrews College

Welcome to spring break. I'm supposed to be sleeping on the gym floor of St. Andrews College in Laurinburg, NC alongside six strangers but here I am, sitting on a couch in a computer lab blogging. My mind is swirling with the things I have to do and the hourly goals that have been set for me. I find myself wanting to know when the learning begins; I need to hurry up and finish school so I can start learning because the things I am doing right now are just convenient enough to satisfy the requirements for the piece of paper that says I know how to jump through hoops. The worst part is that all I can think of is graduate school after this; I need to catch up with everyone else my age, I need to get another piece of paper to make more than thirty five thousand dollars per year, I need have more education so people won't mistake me for nineteen anymore, I need this higher degree for anyone in the DC area to take me serious, I need to go to graduate school to find a suitably intelligent mate. And so on and so forth. Education is making me batty. Since when did I give a shit about education? My family told me I was smart and I believed them. I love learning but it just doesn't seem to happen when so much pressure is involved. If for some reason I don't get through this, look for me working at a grocery store somewhere in the mountains of West Virginia. I am convinced now more than ever that making eight bucks an hour at Food Lion while writing and having adventures outside of mainstream society is more noble, more stimulating, and more worth-while than experiential learning. I've never done it but it sounds appealing at this point.